The Importance of Feeling Safe
Many of us have that anxious feeling
running through our bodies on a regular basis. That feeling comes in a variety
of states; from intense five alarm bells loudly ringing to fear running in the
background of our thoughts. When this happens, folks can withdraw socially,
rely on substances or get caught up in drama to escape this feeling of
impending doom.
We walk through life fearful of
looking at what causes this overwhelming worry. We believe that we are just
anxious because one or both of our parents is a worrier. We accept as true that
we are in fear because we have been traumatised at one or more points in our
lives. We think there is no relief for this state, so we do our best to grind
it out and survive. We also have the mindset that actually facing this agony
will create more pain making it more difficult to survive.
In reality, we don’t feel safe much
of the time and that lack of safety is the major trigger for all the fear that
washes through us. Many of us have no real concept of what being safe means.
Many of us have not received
reassurance from our parents that no matter how horrible your life was going,
you would eventually not just be ok, but thrive. That sense of hope and faith
was never instilled.
When I look at how lovingly my
friends/neighbours look at their children as they hold them, I realise that my
parents never gazed into my eyes in such a passionate way. I imagine feeling
loved that fiercely provides a child with warmth, self-confidence and security.
Feeling wanted leads to feeling
safe. Being safe is the absence of beating yourself up or feeling that all that
is good in your life is a moment away from vanishing forever.
Feeling safe is not having that soon
to be falling off a cliff feeling and not worried about being criticised by
those surrounding you. It is the ability to find the safe space inside yourself
that was pushed away when you were a child. That safe space is naturally there
when we are born, but we learn to lose our path to this place through the abuse
and neglect of adults who are supposed to care for us.
Feeling safe means being
self-assured and ditching the self-doubt. It means waking up in the morning and
deeply knowing that you deserve to live in a safe space and have the happiness
that it brings.
Feeling safe is the ultimate goal of
psychotherapy or any other means of self-exploration.
Steps to Feeling Safe:
- The very first step is to recognize that safety does indeed exist and that you are deserving of it.
- Think about the moments when you have felt safe and write about them. When you are feeling frightened, turn to your journal and focus on it. For example, if you remember feeling relaxed and warm laying on the beach, bring up a memory of that and allow it to flow into your fears.
- Be aware that we all have different parts of us inside. Some parts may be identified as children, punitive adults, loving women, caring men and those that carry wisdom. These parts become fragmented and don’t connect when you are not feeling safe. When you are feeling scared, look inside and find which part is being triggered. Once you find your place of wisdom and caring parts; have them communicate reassuring, loving messages.
- It is important to get enough sleep, eat well, exercise regularly and hang out with those who really have your best interest at heart.
- Terminate relationships with those who belittle you and are not trustworthy.
- Discover what unconditional love really means and apply it to yourself-accepting that you are not perfect and that is OK.
- Seek out psychotherapy to help face, work through and heal from not feeling safe.
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