How to Accept the Things We Cannot Change!

Life sometimes throws us curve balls, doesn’t it? When it’s going our way life can be easy, but sometimes it doesn’t. We all have occasional setbacks and losses, and sometimes they are significant and overwhelming.

I have experienced that last week when I have learned something which devastated me quite well and I did not react really well to be honest with you! 

I have been really angry and upset to learn something about someone I care for someone I had a high level of trust and consideration. This info popped in on my timeline on social media from nowhere and when I have seen it I felt completely betrayed and stupid! instead of silencing this info from me, I would have much preferred being personally informed by that same person because I would have reacted in a better way I think! ... 

I was at first without reaction then I became like a thunderstorm which means I have been violent, harsh and not nice at all. Yes I can be like that too... but it is rare from me... you need to push me beyond my boundaries to make me react that way because most of the time I am kind, nurturing and loving. I was truly devastated and I still am but try to cope with this now...and grieve!

Anyway, this situation is unfortunately outside of my control and it makes me think the past few days on how I have to cope with that, share with you this topic because maybe some of you are also experiencing that and so write this post for you to help you maybe to cope better with...

Some things in life are within our control, and some things are not – and it exhorts us to know the difference. If not, we can end up trying to change things that can’t be changed, and not changing things that we can.

If you’re like me, that’s hard to accept sometimes. I like to “take the bull by the horns” and make things happen when I’m in a rough spot. That can be a great trait if I’m trying to change something that I can control, but it doesn’t work for circumstances outside of my control.

If we don’t take the time to sort out what we can change from what we can’t, we waste time, energy, and sometimes money trying to change things that really can’t be changed. And we can start to feel frustrated and hopeless, since we’re banging our head against a brick wall. Yet all of us have done this at times. 

Countless situations in life that are outside of our control, but a few include the following:

• Loss of loved one
• The actions of other people
• Loss of a job
• Natural disasters
• The economy

So what can we do when faced with circumstances we can’t control?

Sometimes, we just have to grieve. It’s normal – and often healthy – to feel feelings grief in response to a major loss. Grief includes feelings such as anger, protest, and sadness. Usually, the bigger loss or the setback, the more we need to grieve. Just like a physical wound has to go through a certain process to heal, our emotional wounds need to as well.

Sometimes we have trouble with grief because we don’t see it’s value. “Don’t cry over spilled milk,” as the saying goes – which suggests that grief is a waste of time. Crying and getting upset doesn’t change the situation, so why bother?

In a sense, that’s true – grieving doesn’t necessarily change the situation. But it can help us to relieve stress and to recover from the loss.

Along with grief, we can learn to cope with situations we cannot change. What is coping? I think of it as doing something that we can control to better tolerate something that we can’t control.

If I had to go outside during a storm, for example, I would want to stay warm and dry. How can I do this? Well, if I had magical powers I could make it stop raining. But since I don’t, that’s not an option.

My other choice is to cope with the rain. I could put on rain gear – a raincoat, a hat, an umbrella. Doing so doesn’t change the fact that it’s raining, but it does protect me from the effects of the rain – and it keeps me relatively warm and dry. Without the gear, I would be cold, wet, and miserable. The situation is the same either way, but I experience differently depending on whether I’m coping with it or not.

There are many ways to cope with difficult circumstances, and the different things work for different people. Some of the ways that I cope with challenges, for example, including the following:

• Prayer (to God or Universe)
• Talking to a friend or a mentor for support or advice
• Exercising (dancing for me)
• Being around nature and animals
• Learning new skills to better handle the situation
• Distracting myself with pleasant or constructive activities
• Changing my perspective – could this challenge be a blessing in disguise?

These are some of the tools in my toolbox when it comes to dealing with challenges.

Since coping skills are skills, they get better with practice. Learning to cope with adversity is a valuable skill can make a major difference in helping us overcome the circumstances in life that are outside of our control – not by changing them directly, but helping us better handle the circumstances we are in.

I have no idea at the moment if I will cope well with this adversity but what I know is that I will do my best to accept, focus on what really matters to me and move on!

I hope this post helped you a bit to cope with your adversity... Please feel free to share with me in the comments section what techniques have you found effective for coping with setbacks, losses, and adversity!