Why I never believed in the tyranny of being always HAPPY?

Few days ago I attended an event with a very famous Australian designer and during the Q&A moment she had a last question about the topic “happiness”  and she said something so true about the fact she was not believing in being  happy non-stop.

I was happy (yes!) to hear that from someone with so much influence because I never believed myself (even as a Mentor with 20 years of experience or as Certified Life Coach) in the tyranny of being always HAPPY.

Most of the coaches nowadays told us every single day of our life if we don’t do that, that or that we won’t find the Quest of the Holy Grail. And so what? 

Famous gurus as Tony Robbins or even his French version Franck Nicolas quote almost everyday about how being happy…and if you are not it is almost your fault because you did not strictly follow their good advice...

For me happiness can have different forms and the first one is freedom of conscience then the second one is keeping safe our free will. 

This is what I say to most of my client… “keep your free will and your freedom of conscience! No one has the right to tell you what is right or wrong with your life… I can help you to find your true self but only YOU will know where to go and how to reach your goals…”

1.    Why Happiness is mandatory

An oppressive regime requires its citizens to "be happy". Of course, this doesn't actually make them happy; it only gives them one more thing to fear. 

The regime may be small scale. For example, it might be a friend, parent,  boss or a famous New age Guru . 

When the regime actually controls the world, it's a Crapsack World. Often without added saccharine, since "be happy, or else" doesn't actually make the world look like a happy place; in fact, it's more likely to simply highlight the depressing atmosphere even more. 

Why does the regime do this? Well, maybe it is simply insane or enjoys toying with its underlings For the Evulz[1], or they may be trying to paper over the fact that Dystopia Is Hard[2].

The regime is perhaps trying to combat The Evils of Free Will [3] through Stockholm Syndrome. Because beating is so effective to control the population, it can be applied as well to emotional states.

If this trope was inverted, it would be much easier for the citizens to follow - since the law itself would already give them something to be unhappy about.

2.   Why saying “being happy everyday” is wrong?

By experience, I know it never works. I have experienced unhappiness in my life and also a very low self esteem. I always have been a big fan of personal development but the more I was trying everything I could find about "how being happy" the worst my self esteem was and the more I was thinking I was a loser. I could not find where I was failing! It took me a while to understand why I was wrong...

Recently, certain phrases have become popular that are supposed to be motivational, but are often no more than publicity slogans. Instead of helping, they often lead us to blame ourselves for our problems. 

This is the tyranny of positive psychology. This trend comes from the field of advertising, and as the name indicates, a coach is like a personal trainer, a motivator who is supposed to help you maximise your abilities, but not to treat your low self-esteem.

Positive psychology is not simply a series of statements meant to increase morale. It’s intended to teach us to live life in a more positive way, but without denying the existence of negativity. 

Even so, some people think coaching and positive psychology are the same thing, utilising expressions that, if taken literally, become tyrannous, because they do nothing but momentarily cover up the issue.

Here are few examples of these phrases and how positive psychology would view them:

Don’t complain

Don’t complain, life is just peachy if you want it to be. If you wake up with a smile everything will go well, because obviously, everything going well is a decision that you have absolute control over.  

If you think this way, the power of your mind will attract everything positive and repel the all the negativity and toxicity that stands in your way. Strong people never complain. You don’t want to seem weak…or human! You can encounter this example, which might seem extreme, very easily. 

In the context of authentic positive psychology, it would be better to say “try not to settle for complaining.” Not settling for complaining allows you to admit the existence of negativity, which gives you the opportunity to try and find a solution. This is far from getting carried away and pretending that the problem doesn’t exist.

We’ve all had experiences that have bothered us or hurt us, but that we were able to fix. If it’s in your hands to recognise the problem and eliminate it from your life, you have no reason to put up with it just because you want to maintain the image of constant happiness. The most important thing is to be happy, and sometimes in order to do this, you have to fight against negativity, and even sometimes express it.

Use humor and love in the face of other people’s negativity

If your partner is in a bad mood, kiss them and tell them jokes. It’s your duty to put up with others with a happy face; you don’t want to ruin their day. They can’t ruin your day because you’re always happy. Remember that if you put on a smile, everything will magically be fixed.

Clearly, this affirmation is telling you to be submissive to others, and that your negative emotions should be silenced. It’s telling you that your needs are not your priority, because the other person is more important. 

This isn’t true; the most important thing should always be yourself. Loving yourself and being able to express your feelings to others is important, as long as it doesn’t become a habit.
 

Expressing your feelings to others, whether they’re good or bad, is very important. Being assertive about this doesn’t turn you into a whiner. Nobody should take away your right to be yourself, during both good times and bad times.

Love others unconditionally

When somebody does something bad, it’s because they didn’t know better, or because their inner child was playing a trick on them. Forgive everything without asking for anything in return, because humans are purely impulsive. They’re not rational, and therefore you shouldn’t get upset if they act like they’re above you or take advantage of you. Don’t misunderstand.

In reality, humans are rational and act intentionally most of the time. Even though it’s true that they don’t always hurt you on purpose, it’s up to you to evaluate whether they’re manipulating you, or if they were just careless and didn’t mean it. Follow your instincts and recognise the people who really love you, and those who want to take advantage of you. Remember that wolves can dress like lambs, but that doesn’t make them any less of a wolf.

3.What is the True positive psychology?

True positive psychology won’t make you submissive or make you feel guilty. Rather, it will bolster your strengths in the face of adversity. It doesn’t deny that problems exist, but it helps you see them and face them from a different point of view, one more geared toward well-being.

Positive psychology doesn’t try to reduce the difficulty in your life or dominate it with simple slogans. It aims to admit that life is difficult, but how difficult it is depends on the point of view you use to face it.

Or, as one famous American writer would say:

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

Have a fabulous day mes amis,

With all my love

Laura LSG  <3

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[1] Most villains have logical motivations for (morally) reprehensible actions and intentions. Ambition, zeal, greed, pride, envy, lust, wrath, fear, love, hatred, bigotry, revenge, misery, jealousy, resentment, selfishness, anguish, misanthropy, good intentions, a troubled childhood, the desire for utopia, and other warped "ideals" can all drive people to evil in ways that we understand and may be familiar with. If a villain's motivations can just be understood, they can be reasoned with — sometimes.

[2] Any Dystopia allowed to be more than a Straw Dystopia — allowed contact with human nature as it is — will go wrong (by the founder's standards) in ways that are often spectacular. The huge majority of Dystopias present in fiction are Fascist, but Inefficient, and would fall to bits the instant you apply anything like actual social dynamics to them. This trope happens when some tries to puzzle out the kind of Herculean effort required to keep tabs on everything a country of a hundred million people or more do at all times, and then guide it in the desired direction..

[3] There is so much suffering in the world, so much hate, inequality, ignorance. And the cause of all this evil can be sometimes nothing more than humans themselves. We can be selfish, narcissistic, violent, readily tread on others to better ourselves, and while our love is selective, our greed knows no bounds.