Why You Shouldn’t Be too Optimistic About Love

Does Optimism Lead to Defeat?

Optimism is supposed to be the key to achieving everything that is great in life. It keeps you happy, lowers stress, and helps you explain bad outcomes with a positive twist. However, being optimistic is not as rare of a commodity as you might think. In fact, thinking you’re one of the few true optimists in the world is very common.

The Optimism Bias

While being optimistic is a great characteristic to have, it can also leave you vulnerable to defeat. The optimism bias states that some people are irrationally hopeful to the point of harm. They believe in their strength, intelligence and abilities so much that they don’t feel the need for self-improvement. But a little extra preparedness never hurt anyone.

Could It Happen to You?

If you are so sure that you would never cheat on your partner, you may fail to work at your relationship and maintain the happiness within it. If you think your partner will never cheat on you, you may fail to check on their happiness. You still need to ask about their day and make time for them—even when you are concentrating on a goal. If you think, “That could never happen to me,” you are overly optimistic.

You Can Improve Your Odds

The next time to encounter someone else’s personal disaster, notice if you dismiss it as not likely to happen to you. You’ve probably heard that the divorce rate is currently at 40 percent, but there are many things you can do to improve your odds rather than just being optimistic. You can make yourself aware of your marital problems, and take the steps to correct them. Also, check in with your partner to make sure things are going well, and this may keep tensions and resentments from building.

The Illusion of Stability

In addition to being overly optimistic, you could be assuming that things are a lot more stable than they actually are. For example, you may be performing well at work today, so you assume you won’t lose your job tomorrow. Another example is assuming that because your relationship is stable today it will continue to be stable for all time as long as you continue down your current path. This is known as the illusion of stability.

People Change

People change, so stability is not forever, in spite of your optimistic beliefs. Partners develop new goals, different hobbies, and different ideas. Being optimistic in your relationship is great, so long as you are also aware of how fragile most relationships are. You can enjoy your relationships with optimism, but maintain the reality that every relationship takes work to maintain.

The Signs Were There

When relationships go bad, one partner may say they “didn’t see it coming.” But if I honestly retrace the steps of my failed relationships I find the signs were there, but I was too caught up in my optimism and a false sense of stability to recognize them before it was too late. True, some relationships are not meant to be, but in any good relationship, it’s never a good idea to stop working at being with the one you love.

Show Your Love

It’s a privilege to be with someone who makes you happy and loves you just as much as you love them. Sure, you can tell your partner you love them, but it’s better to show them that you love them. Personally, I show my wife that I love her because relying on three little words seems just a bit too optimistic to me.

Being in love is a life experience that everyone deserves. Whether you’re looking for your soulmate or wondering how to keep the romantic fires burning in your relationship, a life coach can help. They want to see you happy and they can help you find or keep the love that is meant for you