How being a resilient person makes you stronger after adversity and loss!
The term
‘resilience’ was brought to our attention in the ‘70s and ‘80s when the first
research findings on resilience were published in the health fields.
Recently,
however, resilience has become a fashionable buzz word. It is often bandied
about without any real thought to its impact or meaning. We are all supposed to
be striving to be more resilient. But what exactly does this mean, what do we
do with it and how do we get it?
What is Resilience?
A dictionary
definition of resilience tells us that it is
- The ability to recover quickly from illness, change, or misfortune; buoyancy.
- The property of a material that enables it to resume its original shape or position after being bent, stretched, or compressed; elasticity.
Resilience is
like a blow up ball – you can put pressure on it by squeezing it, but when you
let go it quickly goes back to its original shape. It is able to bounce back.
When we use the
term resilience to refer to a person, it is an individual’s capacity to
withstand stress and catastrophe, which may result in the individual ‘bouncing
back’ to a previous state of normal functioning, or simply not showing negative
effects. Other terms often used are resourcefulness, mental toughness and
hardiness.
Resilience is
not something that you’re either born with or not. Resilience develops as
people grow up and gain knowledge, better thinking and self-management skills.
Resilience is found in a variety of behaviours, thoughts, and actions that can
be learned and developed across the life span.
Being resilient
doesn’t mean going through life without experiencing stress and pain. People
feel grief, sadness, and a range of other emotions after adversity and loss.
Being resilient is about working through the emotions and effects of stress and
painful events, not avoiding them.
The following
quote by Confucius sums this up very aptly.
"Our
greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
What are the Characteristics of a Resilient Individual?
Research shows
that resilient individuals think differently. They have a set of skills that
allow them to persevere, manage stress and triumph in the face of challenge. A
resilient individual…
- Is able to adjust emotions, thoughts and behaviours to situations and conditions of change
- Focuses on positive aspects and opportunities
- Perseveres and overcomes obstacles
- Recovers quickly from a setback
- Pursues everything with energy and drive
- Knows when he/she needs help and asks for it
- Builds and maintains good relationships and networks, and
- Manages conflict and criticism effectively.
Becoming More Resilient
Nearly everyone
has the capacity to be resilient and we can increase this capacity no matter
what our age or personal history. While there are, of course, some situations
and conditions which are so extreme that no one could flourish, there are ways
to become more resilient.
Find positive
meaning in your life despite difficult or traumatic events
Being realistically optimistic about your situation can give you hope. It may help to try looking beyond the present and consider whether the future may be a little better.
Being realistically optimistic about your situation can give you hope. It may help to try looking beyond the present and consider whether the future may be a little better.
Keep a
long-term perspective and consider the stressful event in a broader
context
Avoid seeing crises or stressful events as unbearable problems. Maintain a hopeful outlook, expecting good things and visualising what you want for the future.
Avoid seeing crises or stressful events as unbearable problems. Maintain a hopeful outlook, expecting good things and visualising what you want for the future.
Look for opportunities
for self-discovery after a struggle with loss
As a result of coping with adversity, it is common for people to discover things about themselves. Many people have reported greater feelings of personal strength, better relationships with others, an increased sense of self-worth, a heightened appreciation for life, and a more developed sense of spirituality.
As a result of coping with adversity, it is common for people to discover things about themselves. Many people have reported greater feelings of personal strength, better relationships with others, an increased sense of self-worth, a heightened appreciation for life, and a more developed sense of spirituality.
Have a positive
view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities
Maintain positive self-esteem. Having confidence in your abilities and trusting in yourself is a key element to resilience. Develop your self-confidence – attend self-development courses.
Maintain positive self-esteem. Having confidence in your abilities and trusting in yourself is a key element to resilience. Develop your self-confidence – attend self-development courses.
See yourself as
in control
If your attitude and outlook is that of being a victim, then you will be a victim. But if you see yourself as being in control and a victor, then no matter what the circumstances, you will be a victor - even if the only thing you can change is your own attitude towards your circumstances.
If your attitude and outlook is that of being a victim, then you will be a victim. But if you see yourself as being in control and a victor, then no matter what the circumstances, you will be a victor - even if the only thing you can change is your own attitude towards your circumstances.
Make and
maintain quality connections with family, friends and colleagues
Surrounding yourself with people who will listen to you and be there for you, is crucial for building resilience. The ability to seek and accept help from others actually strengthens resilience. Social support can be found through friends, family, community groups and places of worship. Volunteering is another way to expand your circle.
Surrounding yourself with people who will listen to you and be there for you, is crucial for building resilience. The ability to seek and accept help from others actually strengthens resilience. Social support can be found through friends, family, community groups and places of worship. Volunteering is another way to expand your circle.
Help others
People can learn effective ways to respond to adversity. We can also provide support for each other, which helps promote resilience. Close relationships with family and friends and a strong sense of community are among the most important factors in attaining resilience and happiness.
People can learn effective ways to respond to adversity. We can also provide support for each other, which helps promote resilience. Close relationships with family and friends and a strong sense of community are among the most important factors in attaining resilience and happiness.
Seek help from
others (tell others about your distress)
As mentioned above, the ability to seek and accept help from others actually strengthens resilience. Resilient individuals use all the resources they have at their disposal and this includes human resources.
As mentioned above, the ability to seek and accept help from others actually strengthens resilience. Resilient individuals use all the resources they have at their disposal and this includes human resources.
Develop good
problem-solving and communication skills
Developing your problem-solving and communication skills enhances resilience by enabling you to utilise all your resources which includes asking for help.
Developing your problem-solving and communication skills enhances resilience by enabling you to utilise all your resources which includes asking for help.
Accept change
Change is an unavoidable and vital part of life. Accepting change and adjusting to it allows you to maintain a positive outlook on life. Look for the positive that comes with the change, rather than the negative.
Change is an unavoidable and vital part of life. Accepting change and adjusting to it allows you to maintain a positive outlook on life. Look for the positive that comes with the change, rather than the negative.
Accept
circumstances that cannot be changed
Accepting circumstances that you cannot change frees you up to put your energy into the things you can control.
Accepting circumstances that you cannot change frees you up to put your energy into the things you can control.
Develop
realistic goals and move towards them
Learning to set realistic goals for yourself and taking steps to achieve them can help you manage stress and give you hope for the future. Achieving even the smallest goals can have a significant impact on your life.
Learning to set realistic goals for yourself and taking steps to achieve them can help you manage stress and give you hope for the future. Achieving even the smallest goals can have a significant impact on your life.
Take decisive
actions in adverse situations
When stressful life events occur, it is natural to become immobilised and to withdraw from others for a time. It is important to take decisive action as much as you can in order to mobilise your resources and recover.
When stressful life events occur, it is natural to become immobilised and to withdraw from others for a time. It is important to take decisive action as much as you can in order to mobilise your resources and recover.
Take care of
your mind and body
However you do it, it is extremely important to take time for yourself and take care of yourself. Exercise regularly, get enough sleep, eat well, and focus on interests, creative outlets, or hobbies that you find relaxing. Part of self-care may also involve spending time with friends and family. In the case of parents, it is important that you take care of yourself so that you can be a stronger resource for your children. Of course, coping with stress in healthy ways and avoiding harmful coping strategies, such as substance abuse is part of self-care.
However you do it, it is extremely important to take time for yourself and take care of yourself. Exercise regularly, get enough sleep, eat well, and focus on interests, creative outlets, or hobbies that you find relaxing. Part of self-care may also involve spending time with friends and family. In the case of parents, it is important that you take care of yourself so that you can be a stronger resource for your children. Of course, coping with stress in healthy ways and avoiding harmful coping strategies, such as substance abuse is part of self-care.
Have faith in
some spiritual belief.
Whatever your spiritual beliefs, you can draw much strength, courage and comfort, which enhances resilience.
Whatever your spiritual beliefs, you can draw much strength, courage and comfort, which enhances resilience.
Myths and facts About Resilience
Myth: Resilience is a trait. People either have it or they
don’t.
Fact: Resilience is not a trait; it is a learnt skill.
Resilience is a capacity that involves behaviours, thoughts, and actions that
can be learned by and developed in anyone. Being resilient involves tapping
into your resources, such as personal strengths and the support of family and
friends.
Myth: Resilient people are immune to stress and negative
emotions.
Fact: Resilient people experience just as much stress and
negative emotion as anyone else, with just as much intensity. However, they
also choose to experience positive emotions like gratitude, joy, kindness,
love, and contentment in abundance. They are also able to find meaning and
purpose for their lives, even in the face of loss and trauma.
Myth: Resilient people are independent, tough, and
self-reliant; they don’t need much from other people.
Fact: The idea that someone should ‘stand on their own two
feet and go it alone’ is a stereotype of western culture and a myth. Resilient
people are resourceful, and friends and family are among their most important resources.
Resilient people have strong social networks. They have close connections to
family and friends and enjoy good relationships with colleagues. Resilient
people are able to disclose their troubles to people close to them, and ask for
help when they need it, without feeling bad or guilty.
Myth: Adversity makes people stronger.
Fact: People do experience positive changes in their lives
after struggling with a crisis or trauma. But it’s not the adversity or
suffering that makes people stronger - it is the process of struggling,
learning, and persevering. In this process people experience their own
capabilities and so gain confidence about overcoming future difficulties. They
also experience the support of families, friends, colleagues and faith communities.
Adversity motivates us to explore the environment, learn new things, and
ultimately build new resources that help us to overcome future difficulties.
Myth: Healthy families don’t have problems and therefore
don’t need to be resilient.
Fact: All families have problems. Healthy families have the
coping and problem-solving skills to deal with them constructively – because
they are resilient, not because they are healthy.
Comments
Post a Comment