Why Trust Is So Important ? and so easy to lose it in a second ...
“Trust is a lot like fitness,” my friend told me. “It
takes years of good habits to lose weight, and after one cheat-night of eating,
it can all go out the window.”
Although she might have been exaggerating, I could see
where she was coming from. I have been recently confronted to that issue... You trust someone and you realise that person just lied to you so deeply ... now I dunno what was right from what was fake... It is sad because most of time when someone is lying they do not understand that they first lie to them. They lose their authenticity... it is a shame actually because I am sure they could be a better person in being themselves and shine all along...
Trust, like weight management, is very fragile,
especially in relationships. You need to trust people before you can commit to
them. And trust doesn't grow overnight; it can take years.
Building up trust requires a great deal of effort. But
trust isn't necessarily going to stick around. Just one violation of
trust can lead to a slippery slope of lies.
Like good habits, trust takes a long time to
establish. And -- also like a healthy habit -- it can
disappear overnight.
Here’s why.
Lying is a habit
Lying tends to become a habit. People who tell
small lies will usually be fine with telling big ones.
In relationships, you might catch your significant
other telling a bunch of white lies. But if it becomes a pattern, it usually
won’t be long until your trust starts to fade. Your partner will also probably
start telling bigger lies.
Deciding what counts as a permissible lie is a
dangerous game. It's important to establish honesty early on in the
relationship.
Just one lie can shatter any trust
One lie is all it takes to destroy years of
trust.
And once trust is compromised, it will take a long
time to grow back -- if ever.
You've spent so much time building an honest home with
someone else. When the trust in a home is violated, you'll create a ripple
effect. You won't be able to contain the uncertainty you both feel.
Suddenly you start questioning if there were any other
lies -- ones that you didn't recognise. You can become paranoid. And paranoia
makes it difficult to move forward. Relationships are dependent on trust.
Once the trust is gone, it’s not uncommon for other aspects of a relationship
to crumble.
Trust isn't handed out; it's earned
Trust isn’t just something you’re entitled to when you
decide to commit to another person; you have to earn it.
Your day-to-day actions should constantly affirm the
trust that someone else has put in you. I'd define trust as a general sense of
confidence in another person. If you're not making a consistent effort to
strengthen someone's confidence in you, then you can be sure that the trust
will fade.
If you’re trying to gain someone’s trust, you
have to earn
it. You don't have a lot of room to slip up. You don't get a vacation from the
efforts you're making to establish trust. Even when people forgive, they truly
never forget.
Trust is not something to be tossed around lightly.
There's no half "assing" trust. If you say that you "kind of" trust
someone, you're lying. There's no such thing -- at least in my mind.
Lying can become falsely rewarding
When people get away with small lies, they usually
feel a strange of satisfaction in knowing that they dodged a bullet, so to
speak.
They might become addicted to the feeling of getting
away with something. They'll feel accomplished. After a while, they won't even
think twice about lying; it comes that easily to them. And when that happens,
it will be impossible to trust this person ever again.
Even if a lot of your partner's lies are
said for your own benefit, lying is always
a bad habit -- even if what your partner is telling is innocuous white lies.
Harmless lies can lead to more frequent and damaging dishonesty down the road.
Lying shouldn’t come easy, and it should never be
rewarding.
Lies are deeper than they appear
People usually aren’t deceitful by accident. If people
are trying to hide something from you, their dishonesty says a lot more
than what they're trying to conceal ever could.
In some cases -- as in cheating, for example -- a
relationship can suffer more from the decision to hide the truth than it will
from the original offence.
A lack of honesty between you two might cause
more problems than a very regretted kiss. (I'm not saying that cheating is
okay -- far from it. But it's important to be honest about your problems.
Not holding yourself accountable for your actions is almost as bad as
doing something wrong in the first place.)
You want to feel open with your partner. You don’t
want to feel like you have to question the things your loved one says. You
don't want to wonder about what kind of person you married.
If you realise months into a relationship that your
significant other has a habit of lying, you might find that you aren't even
sure if you even care for the person in front of you -- or if you even know who
that person is.
I am talking about relationships in here but it can also relate to business... You would not believe how many people are not trustworthy in business too ... having a word today and sticking to them seems to be rare nowadays.
I truly love that quote from Friedrich Nietzsche “I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”
I truly love that quote from Friedrich Nietzsche “I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”
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