how to overcome a "life sucks" feeling ....
Sometimes things just don’t go as you’d
wish them to go. One adversity after another sweeps into your life
like waves on a shore coming against you. Everything seems to have come
together in a little conspiracy. Life sucks.
If such a series of adversities
happens, your life can get really overwhelming and questions like “Why is this
happening to me?” or “What I have done to deserve this?” pop up in the mind.
But those questions are not really helping, especially not in that state of
overwhelm, anger, frustration or even depression…
So what can you do inside and out to
cope?
1. Stop
The first thing you need to do is to break
your current state of emotional pain and negative thinking.
This is necessary because you probably need to make some changes and for
that being effective you have to get away a bit from the “life sucks” attitude.
The Upward and Downward
Spiral:
If there are multiple negative things
in your face, this could potentially develop negative momentum. When this
manifests itself in your mind, your thinking and your attitude, this is called
a downward spiral:
The downward spiral means your inner
state gets influenced by the outer events and your emotional state goes down.
This must be stopped.
So the first step is always
awareness: You need to recognise when you’re getting sucked in into in some
kind of downward spiral and you need to stop and then break that pattern that
is producing it… by doing the following…
2. You Are Not Your
Situation
Avoid to create an identity out of your
situation. You are no “Failure” or “Loser”, it is just a situation, which is
neutral in itself. The judgment and meaning comes from you (and yes, others
too, but first and foremost you are
responsible for yourself) giving it a certain meaning.
What is happening is either a) as a
result of what you did or how you are, or b) it came from circumstances
completely out of your control.
You can change.
Everybody can.
And it starts with changing your mindset. Take a step back, know that you
are not the situation and take a fresh look at what you see and especially
where you want to go from here…
3. Analyse. Do Not
Over-analyse.
Have you understood your situation?
What were the causes? What do you want instead? How can you get out? What’s the
first step? Asking
those kind of questions will create clarity about how things are.
Do you already have a
good understanding of what happened? Or at least of what is relevant
for yourself now? If so, avoid over-analysing. The trap of over-analysing can
lead to paralysis by analysis or in the worst case
to thinking loops (a cause for developing depression). So while understanding
is important, on the other hand don’t overdo it.
4. Accept
Sometimes you have to accept a
situation. Acceptance of “what is” can be very
powerful because it can clear your way, make room for something new to emerge
and end an inner fight that is futile by nature.
Still accepting
doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t change the situation, it is
merely an alignment with the truth of your situation. When you accept you
stop struggling with what has already happened, what is reality. Only
then you are open and completely ready for effective change and new positive
results to enter.
5. Refocus
In order to get out of this downward
spiral, after stopping the negative patterns, you need to focus your mind new. You need take away
your focus from what you don’t want: negative thoughts, pessimism, overwhelm,
hopelessness and put it on what you want.
Focus on solutions, your goals,
your ideal
life and how to get there. What is the next step in that
direction? What action can you do to resolve the situation? That’s what needs
to fill up your mind.
Developing a plan gives you something
to hold on to. It’s not only a roadmap but also something stable that can give
you safety when things fall apart.
One of the challenging tasks during difficult
times is to manage your emotions: Not giving up hope, staying calm enough to
not to let anger, hatred or frustration influence your action.
Seeing these positive outcomes will a)
help you to create uplifting emotions and b) bring you to take action towards
these results.
6. Take One Action
Taking the
first step and doing something into the
right direction again can be the key. We all are learning by small
successes, we repeat what works (and stop what doesn’t work). So starting and
doing one thing has the power to build positive momentum again.
But you need to use your new won focus
and do something.
Ask
yourself: What would help the most now?
Then start there.
7. Get Help
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Tough
times can show you who your real friends are. And helping each other out will
deepen relationships and has the power to create stronger bonding.
Talk with friends, ask people who have
similar situations, ask for professional help. Do your part. And ask for
what you need.
You are not alone….
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