I declare the era of the Gentleman and the Real Woman back
I look around at the typical man today and I can't help but feel disappointment.
What the hell happened? What happened to honour? To integrity? To common courtesy and manners? When did "Oooo! Damn! That ass!" become an accepted way to show a woman you're interested in her?
I'll
tell you when. It happened the moment swiping right on Tinder replaced
courtship. It happened when women started falsely believing that they
need to be as bad as some men for some ridiculous power or on the opposite accept mediocrity and second-best love because they fear to end up alone.
It happened when the Gentleman died and "the Jackass" is left in charge.
Before you send me your hate mail, I'm not referring to all men.
There are many great men out there, but the obviously lackings of that self-proclaimed Jacass (J) make great men look bad. The J has replaced the
Gentleman (G), and it's very sad.
These J is all about themselves. For them, it's about providing the bare minimum, usually across the board.
They
put in just enough effort and charm to gain a woman's interest; just
enough emotional connection to make her think he cares; just enough
phone time to keep her guessing, like a cat on a string; and just enough
foreplay to provide lubrication to achieve his own orgasm.
These
behaviours not only cause confusion on the part of many women, but they
also brand more and more men as Js that don't give a sh*t about
anything but themselves.
Maybe I've got it wrong. But I come from a generation where a sense of what's "right" when it comes to men,
women, courtship, and behaviour was a common value .
There were things that men did, and things men didn't
do. Period. No grey area. No wiggle room. It was the unspoken,
unwritten rule book of proper behaviour for men, with full understanding
and recognition that how you act was a direct reflection of who you are
and what you stand for as a man. You were not only responsible for how
you carried yourself, you were also accountable.
And that's part of what's missing today—accountability.
These
Js, steeped in "douchebaggery", run amuck like middle schoolers, acting
without the slightest thought about the ramifications of their actions
or behaviors. They run in packs—because there is security in numbers—and
leave disappointment, halfway love, broken self-esteems, and confusion
in their wake.
They outnumber the G for one reason: women accept this obnoxious behaviour as "the way men are today."
Men
who treat women as options and objects is the unfortunate reason lots of women write to me to ask for help or support. They aren't looking to get
out of their relationships
(because that's as simple as leaving and never looking back). Instead,
they are looking to understand why men have fundamentally
changed—embracing the parts of their psyches that minimize connection,
and letting honesty, loyalty, and straight-forward talk fall by the
wayside.
If you back up a few short years, men generally had a
strong sense of accountability, self-worth, and class (save for
politicians and lawyers, many of whom still have questionable ethics and/or values). Today, much of that is out the window and I hear about it every
day from women and men around the world that
reverberate their frustration, surprise, anger, resentment, and
confusion on both side.
This J walk around comfortable as King of half-witted, half-brained, half-assed behaviours.
These
are the guys who outwardly portray false confidence and smooth,
bullsh*t pick-up lines. Fakeness and new cars give off a sense of
outward wealth, but in truth these items showcase their inner emotional
bankruptcy.
These guys claim Alpha Male status, not realising that
Alphas provide for their pack—they don't take blindly—not to mention
that real leaders don't have to claim anything; they're recognised for
the true inward and outward strength they actually have.
In truth,
the world around us has assisted in the demise of the Gentleman (G). The
traditional role of men has shifted, been marginalised—even viewed as
superfluous.
What I call the "False Feminism" (of which I am not an advocate at all) defines
itself as "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political,
social, and economic equality to men." But so many women have turned
that message of equality into trying to replace men.
As
such, for many women it's not enough to fight for equality as it is to
put men in a subservient position. This is where things get tricky,
especially for men trying to find their new roles in today's
equality-centric society.The result of that some men feel totally emasculate.
Many men simply don't know their
role in today's environment, and they hear mixed messages on what "real
men" should and should not do.
In one ear, they hear
that chivalry is dead, and that men don't know how to treat women
anymore. But in the other ear, they hear, "I don't need a man to open a
door for me or pay for my dinner! I'm not some weak woman who needs a
man to take care of her."
In this dichotomy, one thing is
clear—being a Gentleman is a "damned if you do, damned if you don't"
proposition, and the Jackass are fueling the negative view women have of
men who do it either way.
If a man does act chivalrous, he must
have an ulterior motive and is merely trying to get her in bed. But if
he doesn't, he's a Jackass who isn't worthy of her in the first place. It's
the proverbial Catch 22—which the Jackass doesn't care about—leaving the Gentleman caught in the crossfire.
A man showing interest by
treating a woman with value shouldn't be viewed as anti-feminist or
somehow perpetuating inequality. He should show he's interested with his
actions; yet, some women mistake "men acting as gentlemen" as "men
treating women like victims."
Let's get this straight: A
Gentleman will open doors, pull out chairs and walk on the side closest to
the street.
He doesn't do these things
because she isn't capable. He behaves this way because he's interested;
he values her and wants to show that he values her.
An empowered
woman can do all those things herself, but she can also afford a
Gentleman his place to show his interest. To those women who have it
confused—A man can open a door for a woman, treat her to dinner, and do
traditionally things that make dating about courtship. It doesn't
diminish her power, nor her independence. If it does, she might want to
think about why a simple gesture of kindness—or an overture of romantic
interest—can render her inept and somehow unequal.
Today, we view a
Gentleman who steps up with honest intentions as special or unique,
while accepting the Jackass as the representative of a "normal" man.
Behaving like a Gentleman shouldn't be considered as unique ... it should be the Norm.
And
to the Jackass, I would ask YOU to hinge your sense of masculinity on
something other than how many women you can bullsh*t and manipulate. Stand up with honour and integrity or please sit your mediocre ass down so she can see the Gentleman behind you who deserves her much more than anything!
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