Why a Narcissist and an Empath in a relationship can only be a Toxic affair ?
I am an empath. I discovered I was an empath after I got involved in a very deep and highly destructive relationship with a narcissist.
I have connected
with many other people who class themselves as an empath and time and
again I have heard people tell me how they have also attracted
relationships with narcissists. There is a link. So, I decided to
explore it further.
This is my theory and my story.…
From my own experience and studies on the narcissist personality type, there is always one core trait: A narcissist is wounded.
Something, somewhere along the line, usually stemming from childhood
causes a person to feel worthless and unvalued and, due to this, they
will constantly and very desperately seek validation.
Here comes the empath, the healer. An empath has the ability to sense
and absorb other people’s pain and often takes it on as though it were
their own. If an empath is not consciously aware of boundaries and does
not understand how to protect themselves, they will very easily and very
quickly bond with the narcissist in order to try to fix and repair any
damage and attempt to eradicate all their pain.
What the empath fails to realise is that the narcissist is a taker.
An energy sucker, a vampire so to speak. They will draw the life and
soul out of anyone they come into contact with, given the chance. This
is so that they can build up their own reserves and, in doing so, they
can use the imbalance to their advantage.
This dynamic will confuse and debilitate an empath, as if they do not
have a full understanding of their own or other people’s capabilities,
they will fail to see that not everyone is like them. An empath will
always put themselves into other people’s shoes and experience the
feelings, thoughts and emotions of others, while forgetting that other
people may have an agenda very different to their own and that not
everyone is sincere.
The narcissist’s agenda is one of manipulation, it is imperative they
are in a position whereby they can rise above others and be in control.
The empath’s agenda is to love, heal and care. There is no balance and
it is extremely unlikely there ever will be one. The more love and care
an empath offers, the more powerful and in control a narcissist will
become.
The more powerful the narcissist becomes, the more likely the empath
will retreat into a victim status. Then, there is a very big change—the
empath will take on narcissistic traits as they too become wounded and
are constantly triggered by the damage being in the company with a
narcissist creates. Before long, an extremely vicious circle has begun
to swirl.
When a narcissist sees that an empath is wounded they will play on
this and the main intention will be to keep the empath down. The lower
down an empath becomes, the higher a narcissist will feel. An empath
will begin to frantically seek love, validation, confirmation and
acceptance from a narcissist and each cry for help as such will affirm
to the narcissist what they are desperate to feel inside—worthy. A
bitter battle can ensue.
As an empath focuses solely on their pain, trauma and the destruction
of their lives, they become self-obsessed and fail to see where the
damage is coming from. Instead of looking outwards and seeing what is
causing it, the empath will turn everything inward and blame themselves.
An empath at this stage must realise the situation they are in and
wake up to it, as anyone who is deeply in pain and has been hurt can
then become a narcissist themselves as they turn their focus onto their
own pain and look for others to make them feel okay again.
Any attempt to communicate authentically with the narcissist will be
futile as they will certainly not be looking to soothe and heal anyone
else. Not only this, they are extremely charismatic and manipulative and
have a powerful way of turning everything away from themselves and onto
others. A narcissist will blame their own pain on an empath, plus they
will also make sure the empath feels responsible for the pain they too
are suffering.
An empath will know that they are in a destructive relationship by
this stage and will feel so insecure, unloved and unworthy and it can be
easy to blame all of their destruction onto the narcissist.
However, an empath should not be looking to blame anyone else. An
empath has a choice, to remain the victim, a pawn in the narcissists
game or to garner all strength they can muster and find a way out (which I did).
Emotionally exhausted, lost, depleted and debilitated an empath will
struggle to understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive
and charismatic person they were attracted to.
However we allow ourselves to be treated is a result of our own
choices. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a
narcissist and refuses to take responsibility for the dynamic, they are
choosing at some level what they believe they are worth on the inside.
That's why it is important for an empath to protect themselves more. It
is imperative they trust and believe in themselves enough to recognise
that they are not deserving of the words and actions the narcissist
delivers and to look for an escape.
In an empath’s eyes, all they searched and looked for was someone to
take care of and love and to ultimately fix. That is where the trouble
began and that is the most profound part of this that an empath must
realise.
I understood I was not here to fix anyone. Because we cannot fix anyone. Everyone is
responsible for and capable of fixing themselves, but only if they so
choose to.
The more an empath can learn about the personality of a narcissist
the sooner they will spot one and the less chance they have of
developing a relationship with one. If a relationship is already
underway, it is never too late to seek help, seek understanding and
knowledge and to dig deep into one’s soul and recognise our own
strengths and capabilities and do everything we can to build the courage
and confidence to see it for what it is and walk away—for good.
The chance of a narcissist changing is highly unlikely, so we
shouldn’t stick around waiting for it to happen. If a narcissist wants
to change, then great, but it should never happen at the expense of
anyone else. They are not consciously aware of their behaviour and the
damage it causes and in their game they will sacrifice anyone and
anything for their own gain—regardless of what pretty lies and sweet
nothings they try to whisper.
An empath is authentic and is desperate to live true to their soul’s
purpose and will very likely find the whole relationship a huge lesson, a
dodged bullet and painfully awakening.
A narcissist will struggle to have any connection to their authentic
self and will likely walk away from the relationship very easily once
they realise they have lost their ability to control the empath. The
game is no longer pleasurable if they are not having their ego
constantly stroked, so they will seek out their next victim.
The ability for these two types to bond is quite simply impossible.
The narcissist’s heart is closed, an empath’s is open—it is nothing
short of a recipe for a huge disaster, AND NOT A BEAUTIFUL ONE.
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